Savasana

There I was minding my own business in savasana like any other day at Lulu’s. But this time, that initial post-savasana breath touched a place of joy so deep within it made me weep out loud. I then heard my friend Jan say, “Wow, that’s weird, why’s she doing THAT?” Another voice answered, “It happens sometimes under anesthesia”, and then a third male voice say, “Wake up Winifred, its all over now. You’re free”.

This was the Superbowl, Christmas, whipped cream with a cherry on top, most epic savasana ever. Translated as ‘corpse’ or ‘dead body’ pose, this was a savasana at its most literal. I’d just awoken from four hours of surgery freeing myself from 20-year-old breast implants and demons so vicious they’ve rattled the walls of a bi-weekly evening yin class for well over a year.

I felt my eyes fly wide open and realized I wasn’t at Lulu’s at all. Peering over me were my best friend Jan, nurse Amy, and physician Dr. Improta. From the post-op room of the surgery center, I heard “Wake up, Winifred” in three part concert.

Indeed. Wake up.

This is what my journey through yoga and recovery from addiction continuously demands of me. It asks me to wake up and do things like trust, listen, sit still, share, show up, participate, follow intuition, and most of all, to love, truly love, myself and others. It’s not been the easiest path, in fact, it has lead me though divorce, bankruptcy, and this boob thing has been no cake walk. But it’s calling sweetly beckons self-acceptance, and inspires a life of contentment regardless of any outward appearance.

The journey into healing this particular flavor of self-loathing began on the mat. This Thanksgiving everything tastes sweeter and I am especially grateful for my friends and the community of Lulu’s which has held me as battles have raged and peace has won. It will take a while to get back to the yoga mat, but practice and our sangha is closer than ever to my heart.

Meanwhile, I am wide awake today with equal parts relief and joy. And I stand a little taller, my heart a bit less obstructed, and my truth a lot more alive than dead.