Roller Coaster..of Love.

Living in Ojai feels like nestling inside a kangaroo pouch. It is warm, nurturing and safe, even when my world hops up and down. I feel held by a universal mother energy, a cozy force. This is a new level of comfort for me, and a new relationship with life. 

This weekend I left Ojai to visit one of my favorite people in the world. My friend is an extraordinary woman, an exquisite human being. We met 15 years ago at a party in Nevada. I'd just moved to Reno from Maui; she and her husband just moved from California. The clique of local girls banisihed us 'new girls' together in the corner of the room and we both laughed out loud at the wierdness of being a 'new girl' and of the oddities of this town we'd moved to. I adored her from that very first giggle and we became great friends over the course of the next decade. In my move to Ojai from Nevada, some of our friendship got lost in translation.

My world looks substancially different today than it did when I lived in Reno. Not just in terms of external appearances and situations, but on the inside, where I am beginning to feel whole. Yet, apparently not a beacon of mental health, since I get subtly anxious when I attempt to reconnect with certain friends from the past. What bothered me the most in this case was my guilt and shame of having dropped her off my phone list and picked up chardonnay instead. How do we talk about this ride from best friends to Facebook friends?

The yogic tool I pulled to ease my anxiety was sutra 1:12, a balance between effort and ease. I followed my internal alignment instructions to make the effort to connect with her, and here on the brink of our face to face, it was up to me, and only me to relax about the whole thing. 

There's a good reason yoga has been around for 5000 years. Its because it is effective. My day with my friend was most magical. I was relaxed enough to see pure clarity of genuine friendship. Every ounce of  my neurosis evaporated. It was not awkward or uncomfortable even for one second. In fact, she might be one of the easiest people ever to hang out with. What needed to be talked about flowed like a duet. We laughed from the belly a lot, ate egg white omletes, sipped decaf tea lattes, boutiqued, and rode bikes along the beach. We were inseparable the entire day.  

Just before sunset, we cruised our bikes along the beach, and spontaneously hopped off to ride the 1920's roller coaster. We parked ourselves in the far back seat, because, as rumor has it, that is the spot in the train that is most exciting. We were already giggling as the train took off out of the gate, and after a few initial twists and turns I realized how symbolic the moment was. Here I am, having fun on a roller coaster (again!) with Elise. In a flash it hit me how much we have shared in our lives, how much has happened in the past few years, how great it is get current with her, and how grateful I am to have her in my life. I looked down at my hands and realized they were gripping the roll bar for safety with unnecessary intensity. Glancing over at my dear friend, her hair flying, eyes wide open, huge grin on her face, I thought, "I am surrounded by angels in my life! I am safe in this world! Even on this rickety roller coaster!". With that thought,  I threw my arms in the air, let out a 'woo HOO', and rode all the way back to the station hands free. You'd think I was 14 not 48!

Right there on that ride by the ocean, my heart opened a little wider. I disembarked from the train with more room and greater understanding in my life for friendship. This roller coaster of life isn't such a bad deal because I'm learning to trust Love. I am not all alone in this world. In fact, far from it.  

And I am incredibly grateful for every single one of my amazing friends.