Puppy Love

I'm in puppy love with my new pet Pomeranian named Lucy! One look at this creature and you can't help but melt. She's only eight weeks old, black with a tan little raccoon like mask and cute little tan booties.  The corners of my lips curl upward like some kind of autoreflex at the mere sight of her. To touch her feels like fluffy little clouds and to take a whiff of her puppy breath you can smell the sweetness of life itself. Its all quite an experience for a sensate like me. Lucy's got the whole lovin' package. She brings out the ooh ooh ooh in Luuuuucy!

In the midst of this love fest I've noticed something quite bothersome. There is a piece of me that is scared to death, and holding back on my full capacity to love this fur ball freely. Its little, buried, hidden from the external obviousness of the situation, but its there. In February I had a 16 month old Pomeranian disappear from the front yard and he broke my heart. There is a defense mechanism that is cased in a shell so hard that even puppy love can't penetrate it.  When I get still, I can hear the real issue come up. The big question is 'can I learn to truly love again?'

Now that's a whopper. It is one of my deep core issues in life. I've 12-stepped it, read about it in almost every self help book published, OM'ed over it, earned degrees in search of it, been shrunk by psychiatrists, and shared about it with friends over tea . Finally I got tired of bummin' out over it and trying to fix it and decided to have some fun with it. I've made my mission statement "I'm learning to love again!". 

I've found that for me intentions work really well. Where there were walls, I've found windows, and from time to time even doors appear. I know its up to me to keep walking through those open doors even though it can be oh so hard. What keeps me going is that every time, not just every so often, not most of the time, every single time I've surrendered, I've grown closer to finding my internal alignment with Love. PS, though, admittedly, sometimes it has looked a little weird.

My lesson for love today comes in a black and tan bundle of fur. Not a bad deal at all.

Oh! I just looked down as I'm writing the final words to this blog. At my feet, curled up napping is Lucy. I'm smiling all over again and a little closer to true love. 

Namaste.