Soul Food

Ahhh..Monday morning yoga. I was out of town this weekend and it felt so good to be back in my home studio. I was all chill and happy...until we came to our first downward facing dog. On the bottom of my right foot, about half an inch below my little toe I felt a sharp pain. I swept my hand underneath in an attempt to brush it off...whatever it was, but it didn't work. So I did what I usually do when I feel uncomfortable. I ignored it. 

By the time we got to standing in Tadasana it was all I could think about. My pain. We went down into a lunge, which temporarily alleviated the problem, but when we went into hammock pose, there it was again. My mind said, 'well, I'll  just go back to the lunge', and then took a giant irrational leap of thinking,  'I'll just stay in lunge all day long so I don't have to deal with it'. That's when I knew I was edging into psycho territory.  

I tried my best for the next several postures to stay in the flow of what everybody else was doing in spite of my discomfort and clearly knowing I needed to investigate the pain. I didn't want to miss out on any of the fun, and certainly didn't want to miss out on any enlightenment. Finally the insanity of my mind was so obvious that I just plopped down, turned my foot to get a better view of the situation and dug into the mischief. I found a little chard of green glass from a shattered bottle of Pelegrino I had dropped in my kitchen last night. It took a little uncomfortable digging, but I finally got it out. It felt so good to remove that rascal. As I rubbed the sole of my foot, soothing the aftermath of the ache, I couldn't help but laugh to myself when I noticed the irony...here I am on the mat again...and digging into my soul. If I continually focus on what's happening on the outside, with keeping up with the crowd, with being scared that the secret to life is out there somewhere and I'm missing it, well then, I'm never going to alleviate the suffering in my own being. Dive IN Girlfriend!

When I rejoined the class, the first few poses were all about making sure I was safe. Am I sure I got the whole chard out? I wonder if I'm bleeding? Do I have glass anywhere else? Most of my attention was still on that little spot on the bottom of my foot. What good is it do the work of removing the glass if I can't enjoy the freedom of healing? It became clear that it is time to let go of the suffering for the moment. As the yoga sutras suggest (and Uma Goswami reminded me), practice Santosha/contentment. Those moments of contentment extended all the way through the rest of class, and is continuing through the rest of my Monday.

Santosha. Its seriously good food for the soul.